Before You Depart:
Preparing For The Unexpected

It is a great idea to leave specific instructions in case you are incapacitated. An advance directive tells your doctor what kind of care you would like to have if you become unable to make medical decisions yourself (if you are in a coma for instance). Advance directives generally fall into three categories: living will, health care proxy and power of attorney. It is very important to make your wishes known so that your family will know exactly what you want.

A very sad example when advance directives would have saved a lot of people a lot of anguish, time and money, is the last several years of Theresa Marie “Terri” Schiavo’s life. After she collapsed in 1990 and was diagnosed as being in a persistent vegetative state (PVS), huge controversy erupted regarding whether or not she should be taken off life support. After fifteen years of endless controversy, court battles, injunctions, new laws, and overturned laws, her feeding tube was removed and she passed away on March 31, 2005. Terri was very young when she became incapacitated, so it is not surprising that she did not have advanced directives or a living will. Had she, her husband, family and the courts would have known exactly what her wishes were and the whole ordeal would have been avoided. Rest in peace, Terri.

Here is a description of the types of advanced health care directives:

Living Will: A living will specifies the type of treatment you would want depending on how sick you are. For example, you would describe the type of care you want if you have an illness you are unlikely to recover from, or if you are permanently unconscious. A living will usually tells your doctor that you don’t want certain kinds of treatment, but they can also specify that you do want all possible treatment regardless of your condition. Laws regarding living wills are different in every state, so be sure to look up your local regulations. Click the thumbnail below to see a pdf example of what a living will might look like:

(Note: Do not use this as a guide to create a real living will!)

Health Care Proxy: This is a legal document that designates another person to make health care decisions for you if you become incapacitated. Your health care proxy essentially has the same rights to request and refuse treatment that you would have if you were capable of communicating your wishes.

Durable Power of Attorney: Legally assigning power of attorney to someone else will allow them to make bank transactions, sign Social Security checks, apply for disability, and complete other transactions in your name.

Making You Advanced Health Care Directives Known:

In order for your wishes to be followed, your directives documents must be legal. Generally this requires proper legal writing, notarization, and witnesses. Laws vary by state so be sure to consult with your physician and/or attorney. If something does happen to you, it is important for your family to know where to find your directives and how to use them. Members of our service, YouDeparted, can store their advanced health care directive information in their account in the “Directives” category. This category is special as Recipients to a members account can view them while the member is still alive.

We here at YouDeparted have talked before about how important it is for a family, no matter what kind of family it may be, to be knowledgeable about the life insurance each partner has, and who the beneficiaries are.  We have stressed the importance of having a reputable lawyer to guide you through the processes of naming beneficiaries and making sure your requests are upheld.  We have reminded you that it is very necessary that such paperwork is stored in a safe place.

Unfortunately, there are always those who want what you have given to someone else, and if you are not careful, your last requests might change in the hands of someone you least expect to betray your trust.

Please read what Panthergirl has to say about her late husband’s insurance, and how he thought he was leaving it all to his son, but ended up leaving it all to. . . .

Well, I think perhaps you’d best read it for yourself.  Then, check your own paperwork VERY carefully indeed. Then check it again.  And make sure it’s all stored in a safe, safe place.

Ruth Bell Graham was born in China, the daughter of missionaries.  She was 17 when she came to the United States to graduate from high school in North Carolina.  She met Billy Graham at Wheaton College, and they were married in 1943.

 Many people do not know that although Ruth was married to one of the most famous Baptist ministers in the world, she herself remained a loyal Presbyterian all her life, even while assisting Billy with the ministry!

 Mr. and Mrs. Graham had five children, all of whom are now actively involved in their father’s ministry.

 Ruth was not only her husband’s right arm in all matters, she was a prolific author in her own right.  She was the author of over a dozen books, as well as hundreds of shorter articles for magazines and newspapers.

 Mrs. Graham had been in poor health since 1995, when she had a bad fall while testing a swing she had built for her grandchildren.

 On June 14, 2007,  Ruth Bell Graham died, at home, with her husband and five children at her bedside.

 The world has lost a beautiful person.

Billy Graham himself was quoted as saying:  “Our days are numbered. One of the primary goals in our lives should be to prepare for our last day. The legacy we leave is not just in our possessions, but in the quality of our lives. What preparations should we be making now?”

We agree.

When we first came up with the idea to create YouDeparted, we were primarily thinking about how useful it would be when someone passed away. The Angora Fire in South Lake Tahoe serves as a terrifying reminder that getting our lives organized is absolutely necessary for everyone. Beyond preparing for the immediate life or death concern of escaping a natural disaster, we should all think about how we have financially prepared. Right now, the unfortunate citizens in the path of the fire are being evacuated and have just minutes to gather their belongings and flee to safety, but hopefully many of them took steps to prepare for the disaster in advance.

Here are some recommended steps:

1. Keep an accurate record of your personal belongings with photos or videos. These records will help you make claims on items lost in a fire or other disaster. Keep these records in a safe place such as your YouDeparted account and/or safe deposit box.
2. Review your homeowners’ insurance and make sure it covers the full cost of replacing your home.
3. Determine the exact replacement cost for your home, and talk to your agent if it seems too low.
4. Keep copies of important documents.
5. Backup your photo collections.
6. Formulate a disaster plan. Imagine if a disaster happened tomorrow, then think about everything you would have to take care of. Create your plan, get everything you can think of organized and in order, then keep the information in a safe place.

We hope you are never faced with devastating walls of flames like our neighbors across the lake! Remember to be prepared for the unexpected especially if you live in a place prone to a fire, earthquake, flood, tornado, land slide, hurricane, tsunami, or other disaster.

Here is a photo taken from the office at 5:30PM today:

Eternal Reefs, Inc. promotes memorial reefs as a way to replace natural reefs that have been destroyed or damaged.  These artificial reefs are located along the Atlantic Ocean and Gulf of Mexico, and are created from a mixture of cremated remains and marine-grade concrete.  Cost? Anywhere from $2500 to $6,500.  That’s a lot less expensive than the average burial.  This mixture is formed into cones laced with holes, and becomes a new marine habitat.

Here is what Eternal Reefs, Inc. itself has to say about this service:

“Eternal Reefs began simply. In the late 1980’s a pair of college roommates from the University of Georgia often went diving off the Keys in Florida on breaks. Over the years of diving they saw significant deterioration and degradation of the reefs they were visiting. Don Brawley, founder of Eternal Reefs realized the reefs needed help. A decision was made to do something about the reefs’ declining health.

Once the friends were out of school they began to talk about what contributions they could make that would help protect and restore these fragile eco-systems. Creating a material and system that would replicate the natural marine environment that supports coral and microorganism development was what they decided to do. And thus the concept of the Reef Ball was formed - to directly rehabilitate and rebuild the dying reefs and to add new habitat to the marine environment.

They faced two primary design challenges. Stability would be crucial. The design needed to be capable of absorbing and dissipating energy in the marine environment without moving. It would need to withstand not just the normal tidal and current flows, but also major storms and the dynamic energy impacts that accompany them.

The material would also need to be friendly to the marine environment. It would have to be made of natural materials that would attract and encourage microorganisms to settle and propagate on the reefs.

Patented mold systems were developed to create reefs that closely mimic natural reef formations. Special design features were included to make it easy for sea life to attach and grow on these designed reef structures. An environmentally friendly concrete formula was developed that would be attractive to the microorganisms to make the new reefs, and reef balls were born.

In 1990, the Reef Ball Development Group and the Reef Ball Foundation completed the first Reef Ball project near Ft. Lauderdale, Florida. Since that time, there have been over 3,500 projects worldwide with more than 400,000 Reef Balls placed on the ocean floor. With years of documented history of stability and habitat development, Reef Balls have become the world standard for fisheries programs, coral restoration and habitat development projects.

In 1998, Carleton Glen Palmer, Don Brawley’s father-in-law, talked about having his cremated remains put in a reef. As Carleton put it, “I can think of nothing better than having all that action going on around me all the time after I am gone - just make sure that the location has lots of red snapper and grouper.” Shortly after Carleton made this request, he passed away.

“Until the funeral director put his remains in my hands, I had forgotten about this casual conversation we had over dinner,” says Don Brawley. Don quickly set to work mixing the remains into the reef ball concrete to add to a placement they had planned in Sarasota, Florida. On May 1, 1998 a reef of ten Nautilus & twenty Aquarius Memorial reefs were cast. The reefs were soon placed to create a beautiful natural memorial setting. Carleton got his wish, and his reef is now teaming with sea life. Eternal Reefs was born.

People soon started hearing about Eternal Reefs and it has been growing naturally ever since. Now, working closely with a host of federal, state and local regulatory agencies, Eternal Reefs has grown to a choice made by many when selecting their final resting place.

The reasons for choosing an Eternal Reef as a final memorial are as varied as the individuals and families making the choice. Rather than passing an urn down to future generations, or taking space in a cemetery, this memorial is a true living legacy.

Military veterans, environmentalists, fishermen, sailors, divers, and people who have been active all their lives or whose lives has been cut short, are all comforted by the thought of being surrounded by all that life and action going on around them.

It’s really more like - look at what they’re doing now.”

Go on over and visit the Eternal Reefs website.  The information is fascinating, the pictures are breathtaking, and the service is one-of-a-kind!

There are risks just about everywhere we can live in the world: earthquakes, hurricanes, flooding, tsunamis, tornadoes, volcanoes, etc… Today the YouDeparted team saw the risk of forest fire in South Lake Tahoe. Luckily for us, South Lake Tahoe is 20 miles away across Lake Tahoe, so we are not in any danger. Also, our servers are hosted at Rackspace’s data centers, far from any dangers here.

At about 3PM today during a hike, I noticed a small amount of smoke rising across the lake. The smoke appeared to be rising out of an area near Angora Lakes and Fallen Leaf Lake, just south of Lake Tahoe:

It is an area we are very familiar with as we have backpacked extensively in the area. Unfortunately, it is also covered by very thick underbrush, a result of decades of fire suppression.

Looking across the lake 20+ miles away, I can see the flames glowing in the sky. Reports put the total number of houses destroyed at 160+ and the total acres burning at 700+. Our hearts go out to all the poor people dealing with the fire tonight!

Here is a picture taken just a little while ago showing the flames visible across the lake:

Hopefully the winds will die down a bit and the fire fighters will have a chance to douse this fire! We wish our neighbors in South Lake Tahoe all the best!

Update 3:50PM, June 25th:

The fire has grown much larger and reports now put the total acreage at nearly 3000! Total numbers of homes destroyed is nearing 300, and a state of emergency has been declared.

Normally, you would see an excellent view of Tahoe from our deck, but today the smoke from the Angora Fire is completely obscuring it:

The smoky view in the mountains (remember, we are 20+ miles from the fire):

It is just as important for unmarried couples, gay or otherwise, to get all of their documentation together and store it in a safe place, as it is for married couples.  In fact, it might even be MORE important, as the laws are drawn up based on legal marriage.

Unmarried couples do not have the same automatic rights as does a surviving legal spouse.

Your partner will not automatically be given your employee benefits.  Your surviving partner might not legally deserve your life insurance, or even be allowed to remain in your home.

It is of absolutely vital importance that both partners put in writing all of their assets, policies, passwords, and wishes, and that these be filed with a lawyer or trusted party; otherwise, one of you may find yourself out on the streets with not even your own half of the assets in your pocket.

If either or both of you have children from a previous relationship, it’s best not to combine your assets.  Make sure your own children get their share of their inheritance, and make sure your partner does the same for his/her children.

An exception might be your house; if both of you legally own half, it can’t be taken from you.

“Premarital agreement” makes us think of Hollywood millionaires, but the truth is, anyone can benefit from a premarital agreement.  Frankly, I might wonder about the motives of a person who objected!

Be sure your partner is your insurance beneficiary!  Make sure you’ve got it in writing!

Hire an estate planner/executor who will represent both partners.  That way, the wishes of both partners will be well-known by one person, and that person can function as a facilitator more easily that a stranger might.

Again:  get it all down in writing, legally, and file it in a safe place, with people you trust.

Domestic partners love each other, too.  Don’t leave your partner out in the cold.  BOTH of you: make plans.

Everyone should make diligent and vigilant preparation for the distribution of his/her property after death, but if there will be a disabled survivor, preparation must be even more meticulous.

If you have in mind a guardian for your disabled survivor, be sure you put it in writing and have a lawyer look it over.  Be sure, too, that you have discussed your wishes with this guardian and that the guardian knows, beyond a shadow of a doubt, exactly what kind of life the disabled survivor is to have with him/her.

Bear in mind, however, that after your death, this guardian does not, legally, HAVE to carry through with your wishes for the disabled person.  This is all the more reason for you to be thorough and insistant and persistant in your selection of a guardian and in your instructions for this person.  Choose someone you believe will follow your instructions.

You know what your child will need.  Put it in writing, and let your lawyer and the child’s doctor keep a copy.  File ALL of your paperwork in a safe place other than those two, also.

Be sure other family members know your wishes for the future of your disabled child.  It’s a good idea to name a co-guardian, and even substitute guardians, in case the person you first desire to care for your child changes his/her mind, or you decide you prefer someone else.

These are not easy decisions.  Think them over carefully.  You are choosing the person/people who will take care of your disabled child for the rest of his/her life.  Choose wisely.  Make sure it’s in your will.

MAKE SURE IT’S IN YOUR WILL!

From the time I was a little child, right smack up to today, I have been a fan of Don Herbert, better known to kids everywhere and of all ages as the one and only Mr. Wizard.

I watched Mr. Wizard faithfully. His teaching methods were perfection; he had us kids eating out of the palm of his hand. I used to come home from school and wish my REAL teachers were like Mr. Wizard. Now that I am (supposedly) an adult, I can see that Mr. Wizard was, indeed, a real teacher, and probably a lot more real than the teachers I saw every day, none of whom could hold a candle to Mr. Wizard. When I watched him, I felt as though he could see me right through the television screen, and that he not only believed I was smart enough to easily understand whatever principle he was demonstrating, but also that he just plain liked me, and WANTED me to understand.

Don Herbert had been battling cancer for several years, and on June 12, he lost that battle. We here at YouDeparted send our sincere condolences to his family.

I must tell the world, however, that Mr. Wizard will never be gone. Never.

If you would like to say something about Don Herbert, his family has set up a guestbook. And, if you visit Mr. Wizard’s official website, you can’t help but become smarter.

First of all, in addition to the paperwork the deceased already had on file, in a safe place, that dictated to all survivors that he/she be cremated, there must also be a little more paperwork after the actual death.  A coroner’s office must OK each piece of paperwork as well as examine the body thoroughly.  Those of you who watch CSI will understand that after cremation, there is no possibility of an examination, JUST IN CASE there is suspicion of foul play.

How hot does the oven in your kitchen get?  I bet it’s nowhere near 1,800 degrees Fahrenheit, even when you set it to “clean.”

No matter how hot the oven, and no matter how long the body is in there, there will always be a few larger bone fragments, and those go into a processor, which is sometimes call a “pulverizer” for obvious reasons.  (Its actual name is “cremulator.”)  The process takes approximately two hours.

The mixture of ashes and pulverized bones is called “cremains.”  How much does a bag of cremains weigh?  Well, a 180-pound person will produce around 9 pounds of cremains.

Unless you live in Wisconsin, your survivors may scatter your cremains to the four winds, once permission from the property owner is obtained.  Laws pertaining to state and national parks differ from location to location, and it’s always wisest to inquire before you scatter.

You do not have to purchase the urn from the mortuary.  There are no requirements as to shape, color, aesthetics, etc.  Please yourself as far as the urn is concerned, but please be sure you are following the deceased’s wishes, as well.

You are not required by any laws to hand over the urn containing cremains to a mortuary; you can carry it home with you and do with it whatever you wish.  If the deceased had particular plans in mind for his/her cremains, there had better be paperwork dictating those plans.  Otherwise, you can do a “Meet the Parents” with it if you want to.

There are even businesses that will turn some of the cremains into jewelry, statues, and knick-knacks of various shapes and sizes.  You can even pull a “Jolie” and put some cremains in a tiny vial to wear around your neck.