Before You Depart:
Preparing For The Unexpected

Today, Collin and I looked through our email accounts and found passwords to our online services, bank statements, financial information, contact information for just about everyone we know, and a whole lot more. When someone passes away, being able to access the email account of the deceased can be a great help to the survivors since important information can be viewed, contacts can be notified, and future emails can be retrieved. Unless you have the login information, obtaining access to an email account of the deceased typically requires death certificates, powers of attorney, and long waiting periods for all the paper work to go through.

For instance, here are the steps necessary to obtain access to a Gmail account of the deceased:

1. Your full name and contact information, including a verifiable email address.
2. The Gmail address of the individual who passed away.
3a. The full header from an email message that you have received at your verifiable email address, from the Gmail account in question. (To obtain the header from a message in Gmail, open the message, click ‘More options,’ then click ‘Show original.’ Copy everything from ‘Delivered- To:’ through the ‘References:’ line. To obtain headers from other webmail or email providers, please refer to http://www.spamcop.com/help_with_headers/)
3b. The entire contents of the message.
4. A copy of the death certificate of the deceased.
5. A copy of the document that gives you Power of Attorney over the Gmail account.
6. If you are the parent of the individual, please send us a copy of the Birth Certificate if the Gmail account owner was under the age of 18. In this case, Power of Attorney is not required.

In order to make the whole process infinitely simpler and quicker for your family if something happens to you, we have a special “Passwords” category built right into all YouDeparted accounts. Just like every other type of entry, your Passwords are encrypted with military-grade 256 bit AES, so you can rest assured they are safely and securely stored in your YouDeparted.com account. Recording your email passwords and designating who should receive them is very easy to do with YouDeparted, and will ensure that your family will not have to deal with complicated paperwork and waiting periods.

It has been interesting creating and updating my own youdeparted.com account and it has forced me to rethink some of the information I have posted to the site.

For example, shutting off the water in the winter. If you read my last post, I added information about shutting the water off. As I started to write it, I realized how difficult it would be for anybody but me! Not only is the valve in a very difficult place, but once you get to the valve,  (you have to twist and turn yourself around all kinds of obstacles) you need to have a bucket handy. Next, you have to somehow thread the bucket through all the pipes to catch all the water draining from the outside lines. Otherwise the little room gets about two inches of water all over the floor.

So…until I wrote it out, I just never thought it would be so complicated. Now I realize it’s time to make it simpler. I’m going to move the water valves, connect a pipe so it can drain outside so you don’t need the bucket anymore.  Okay, this is a small thing, but I noticed man details which need improvement.

Every time I use the site, I feel I’m getting more organized and changing some of my methods. This not only will make it easier for my family when the time comes, but it’s making things easier for me now.

As one of the founders of the company, many of you have asked me what I have in my youdeparted account. Since I have several business interests, an active household and many hobbies, I have slowly been adding to my account as something comes up.

1) Instructions for turning the sprinklers and outside hose bibs on and off. This is something I’ve always done and my wife and family probably would not give it a thought. Without instructions on this, nobody would remember and then my family would have burst pipes everywhere.

2) Detailed business instructions. I have written who my suppliers are, what they supply. Who my distributors are. Banking and business Insurance information. Details of my credit card merchant accounts. Telephone and internet service. 940, 941, estimated taxes, etc and all the other forms the IRS needs.

Weekly I think of something new to add to this section as I want my family to have the opportunity to continue running my businesses should something happen to me.

3) Personal information. I have many on-line accounts so all my usernames, passwords and url’s are listed and what they are for. All of the bills I pay on-line and when there due. Property taxes, insurance both home and car. Life Insurance Policies and agent names. Health insurance policies. All my credit card accounts. The number and location of my safety deposit box and what’s in it. Listings of my brothers and sisters with their names and addresses. Anybody I want contacted when I die. IRS information. These people don’t care if you are dead or not if you still owe taxes!

Burial information. Okay, this was a tough one. I never really thought about it until now! Who wants to think of such a thing. But then, better I leave good instructions for my family now. I decided to donate any good organs, my remains to be cremated and scattered at the top of my favorite jogging trail. My wife and I decided to purchase burial plots in Appleton, ME where we can have a marker. Still haven’t decided if I want an open casket and can’t quite picture what I’ll be wearing…but hey, I’ll keep thinking of this one. My wife says I look good in my suit. Jeez!

Wills and Trusts. I uploaded copies of my will and trust. I just scanned them and upload them. I probably won’t upload my insurance documents as copies of these are readily available, but sure hate to lose my trust documents so nice to have a copy now.

Personal Organizer
I’ve also been using the site as a personal organizer for information I usually forgot like my kayak and locker combinations. I keep copies of my passport and drivers license. I have started a home inventory with pictures of all our possessions. I keep thinking of new things I want to put on the site.

Upload or make Entries?
If I already have information written out, say in Word or Excel, I’ll just upload the document with instructions on whats in it. If it is something new, then I’ll just type it out on the site.

As I make new entries, I’ll keep reporting on my progress. I plan to keep everything updated as often as information changes.

Today the New York Times ran an article warning people to be wary of individuals who claim to be experts in financial planning and senior advising. According to the article, thousands of individuals take short courses which award them official sounding titles such as “Certified Senior Adviser.” They then advertise their expertise and make massive profits off unsuspecting seniors by selling them annuity packages on behalf of major insurers.

Here are a few excerpts from the article:

Many of these titles can be earned in just a few days from for-profit businesses, and sound similar to established credentials, like certified financial planner, that require years of study, difficult tests and extensive background checks.

The prize for these insurers and sales agents is a piece of the $15 trillion held by Americans 65 and older, the largest pool of assets ever amassed by an aging population, according to the Government Accountability Office.

”The insurers are happy to turn a blind eye to what salesmen are doing, as long as they make a sale,” said Minnesota’s attorney general, Lori Swanson, who is suing several companies, including Allianz, contending their products are inappropriate.

“There are limitless combinations of words getting invented to convey an expertise in senior finances,” said the Massachusetts securities regulator, William F. Galvin. “Most of them seem designed to trick seniors into listening to swindlers.”

Do your research!
Older investors are wise to seek financial security, but must be wary of individuals trying to capitalize on their fears. In searching for an adviser, do a significant amount of research and thoroughly check references. Talk to friends and family and see if they can introduce you to someone they trust. Research credentials to determine if their “expert” status is actually based on extensive training.

We here at YouDeparted have talked before about how important it is for a family, no matter what kind of family it may be, to be knowledgeable about the life insurance each partner has, and who the beneficiaries are.  We have stressed the importance of having a reputable lawyer to guide you through the processes of naming beneficiaries and making sure your requests are upheld.  We have reminded you that it is very necessary that such paperwork is stored in a safe place.

Unfortunately, there are always those who want what you have given to someone else, and if you are not careful, your last requests might change in the hands of someone you least expect to betray your trust.

Please read what Panthergirl has to say about her late husband’s insurance, and how he thought he was leaving it all to his son, but ended up leaving it all to. . . .

Well, I think perhaps you’d best read it for yourself.  Then, check your own paperwork VERY carefully indeed. Then check it again.  And make sure it’s all stored in a safe, safe place.

Ruth Bell Graham was born in China, the daughter of missionaries.  She was 17 when she came to the United States to graduate from high school in North Carolina.  She met Billy Graham at Wheaton College, and they were married in 1943.

 Many people do not know that although Ruth was married to one of the most famous Baptist ministers in the world, she herself remained a loyal Presbyterian all her life, even while assisting Billy with the ministry!

 Mr. and Mrs. Graham had five children, all of whom are now actively involved in their father’s ministry.

 Ruth was not only her husband’s right arm in all matters, she was a prolific author in her own right.  She was the author of over a dozen books, as well as hundreds of shorter articles for magazines and newspapers.

 Mrs. Graham had been in poor health since 1995, when she had a bad fall while testing a swing she had built for her grandchildren.

 On June 14, 2007,  Ruth Bell Graham died, at home, with her husband and five children at her bedside.

 The world has lost a beautiful person.

Billy Graham himself was quoted as saying:  “Our days are numbered. One of the primary goals in our lives should be to prepare for our last day. The legacy we leave is not just in our possessions, but in the quality of our lives. What preparations should we be making now?”

We agree.

Eternal Reefs, Inc. promotes memorial reefs as a way to replace natural reefs that have been destroyed or damaged.  These artificial reefs are located along the Atlantic Ocean and Gulf of Mexico, and are created from a mixture of cremated remains and marine-grade concrete.  Cost? Anywhere from $2500 to $6,500.  That’s a lot less expensive than the average burial.  This mixture is formed into cones laced with holes, and becomes a new marine habitat.

Here is what Eternal Reefs, Inc. itself has to say about this service:

“Eternal Reefs began simply. In the late 1980’s a pair of college roommates from the University of Georgia often went diving off the Keys in Florida on breaks. Over the years of diving they saw significant deterioration and degradation of the reefs they were visiting. Don Brawley, founder of Eternal Reefs realized the reefs needed help. A decision was made to do something about the reefs’ declining health.

Once the friends were out of school they began to talk about what contributions they could make that would help protect and restore these fragile eco-systems. Creating a material and system that would replicate the natural marine environment that supports coral and microorganism development was what they decided to do. And thus the concept of the Reef Ball was formed - to directly rehabilitate and rebuild the dying reefs and to add new habitat to the marine environment.

They faced two primary design challenges. Stability would be crucial. The design needed to be capable of absorbing and dissipating energy in the marine environment without moving. It would need to withstand not just the normal tidal and current flows, but also major storms and the dynamic energy impacts that accompany them.

The material would also need to be friendly to the marine environment. It would have to be made of natural materials that would attract and encourage microorganisms to settle and propagate on the reefs.

Patented mold systems were developed to create reefs that closely mimic natural reef formations. Special design features were included to make it easy for sea life to attach and grow on these designed reef structures. An environmentally friendly concrete formula was developed that would be attractive to the microorganisms to make the new reefs, and reef balls were born.

In 1990, the Reef Ball Development Group and the Reef Ball Foundation completed the first Reef Ball project near Ft. Lauderdale, Florida. Since that time, there have been over 3,500 projects worldwide with more than 400,000 Reef Balls placed on the ocean floor. With years of documented history of stability and habitat development, Reef Balls have become the world standard for fisheries programs, coral restoration and habitat development projects.

In 1998, Carleton Glen Palmer, Don Brawley’s father-in-law, talked about having his cremated remains put in a reef. As Carleton put it, “I can think of nothing better than having all that action going on around me all the time after I am gone - just make sure that the location has lots of red snapper and grouper.” Shortly after Carleton made this request, he passed away.

“Until the funeral director put his remains in my hands, I had forgotten about this casual conversation we had over dinner,” says Don Brawley. Don quickly set to work mixing the remains into the reef ball concrete to add to a placement they had planned in Sarasota, Florida. On May 1, 1998 a reef of ten Nautilus & twenty Aquarius Memorial reefs were cast. The reefs were soon placed to create a beautiful natural memorial setting. Carleton got his wish, and his reef is now teaming with sea life. Eternal Reefs was born.

People soon started hearing about Eternal Reefs and it has been growing naturally ever since. Now, working closely with a host of federal, state and local regulatory agencies, Eternal Reefs has grown to a choice made by many when selecting their final resting place.

The reasons for choosing an Eternal Reef as a final memorial are as varied as the individuals and families making the choice. Rather than passing an urn down to future generations, or taking space in a cemetery, this memorial is a true living legacy.

Military veterans, environmentalists, fishermen, sailors, divers, and people who have been active all their lives or whose lives has been cut short, are all comforted by the thought of being surrounded by all that life and action going on around them.

It’s really more like - look at what they’re doing now.”

Go on over and visit the Eternal Reefs website.  The information is fascinating, the pictures are breathtaking, and the service is one-of-a-kind!

It is just as important for unmarried couples, gay or otherwise, to get all of their documentation together and store it in a safe place, as it is for married couples.  In fact, it might even be MORE important, as the laws are drawn up based on legal marriage.

Unmarried couples do not have the same automatic rights as does a surviving legal spouse.

Your partner will not automatically be given your employee benefits.  Your surviving partner might not legally deserve your life insurance, or even be allowed to remain in your home.

It is of absolutely vital importance that both partners put in writing all of their assets, policies, passwords, and wishes, and that these be filed with a lawyer or trusted party; otherwise, one of you may find yourself out on the streets with not even your own half of the assets in your pocket.

If either or both of you have children from a previous relationship, it’s best not to combine your assets.  Make sure your own children get their share of their inheritance, and make sure your partner does the same for his/her children.

An exception might be your house; if both of you legally own half, it can’t be taken from you.

“Premarital agreement” makes us think of Hollywood millionaires, but the truth is, anyone can benefit from a premarital agreement.  Frankly, I might wonder about the motives of a person who objected!

Be sure your partner is your insurance beneficiary!  Make sure you’ve got it in writing!

Hire an estate planner/executor who will represent both partners.  That way, the wishes of both partners will be well-known by one person, and that person can function as a facilitator more easily that a stranger might.

Again:  get it all down in writing, legally, and file it in a safe place, with people you trust.

Domestic partners love each other, too.  Don’t leave your partner out in the cold.  BOTH of you: make plans.

Everyone should make diligent and vigilant preparation for the distribution of his/her property after death, but if there will be a disabled survivor, preparation must be even more meticulous.

If you have in mind a guardian for your disabled survivor, be sure you put it in writing and have a lawyer look it over.  Be sure, too, that you have discussed your wishes with this guardian and that the guardian knows, beyond a shadow of a doubt, exactly what kind of life the disabled survivor is to have with him/her.

Bear in mind, however, that after your death, this guardian does not, legally, HAVE to carry through with your wishes for the disabled person.  This is all the more reason for you to be thorough and insistant and persistant in your selection of a guardian and in your instructions for this person.  Choose someone you believe will follow your instructions.

You know what your child will need.  Put it in writing, and let your lawyer and the child’s doctor keep a copy.  File ALL of your paperwork in a safe place other than those two, also.

Be sure other family members know your wishes for the future of your disabled child.  It’s a good idea to name a co-guardian, and even substitute guardians, in case the person you first desire to care for your child changes his/her mind, or you decide you prefer someone else.

These are not easy decisions.  Think them over carefully.  You are choosing the person/people who will take care of your disabled child for the rest of his/her life.  Choose wisely.  Make sure it’s in your will.

MAKE SURE IT’S IN YOUR WILL!

First of all, in addition to the paperwork the deceased already had on file, in a safe place, that dictated to all survivors that he/she be cremated, there must also be a little more paperwork after the actual death.  A coroner’s office must OK each piece of paperwork as well as examine the body thoroughly.  Those of you who watch CSI will understand that after cremation, there is no possibility of an examination, JUST IN CASE there is suspicion of foul play.

How hot does the oven in your kitchen get?  I bet it’s nowhere near 1,800 degrees Fahrenheit, even when you set it to “clean.”

No matter how hot the oven, and no matter how long the body is in there, there will always be a few larger bone fragments, and those go into a processor, which is sometimes call a “pulverizer” for obvious reasons.  (Its actual name is “cremulator.”)  The process takes approximately two hours.

The mixture of ashes and pulverized bones is called “cremains.”  How much does a bag of cremains weigh?  Well, a 180-pound person will produce around 9 pounds of cremains.

Unless you live in Wisconsin, your survivors may scatter your cremains to the four winds, once permission from the property owner is obtained.  Laws pertaining to state and national parks differ from location to location, and it’s always wisest to inquire before you scatter.

You do not have to purchase the urn from the mortuary.  There are no requirements as to shape, color, aesthetics, etc.  Please yourself as far as the urn is concerned, but please be sure you are following the deceased’s wishes, as well.

You are not required by any laws to hand over the urn containing cremains to a mortuary; you can carry it home with you and do with it whatever you wish.  If the deceased had particular plans in mind for his/her cremains, there had better be paperwork dictating those plans.  Otherwise, you can do a “Meet the Parents” with it if you want to.

There are even businesses that will turn some of the cremains into jewelry, statues, and knick-knacks of various shapes and sizes.  You can even pull a “Jolie” and put some cremains in a tiny vial to wear around your neck.