Before You Depart:
Preparing For The Unexpected

It’s June, the traditional month of weddings.  These days, more and more couples are waiting until they are in their thirties or even beyond to tie the knot.  When people who have already accumulated personal assets decide to marry, how those assets are dealt with is, or should be, a major concern for both spouses.

Pre-marital agreements are not only for celebrities and the super-rich these days.  When both spouses bring money, property,  possessions, and possibly children into a relationship, it’s essential that both spouses agree on how these things will be handled, and who gets what (or even whom)  if there is a split or a death.

Get it all down in writing, LEGALLY, and make sure an attorney is involved!  Word-of-mouth will not hold up in court; besides which, word-of-mouth is often forgotten or, at best, misinterpreted.

If you want your assets to go where and to whom you WANT them to go, have a lawyer draw it up and file it, and be sure both spouses know exactly where to find each other’s legalities.

In movies, these estate disputes are usually solved fairly and equitably, but in real life, it’s not always so, UNLESS you have made it legally crystal clear.

Anna Nicole Smith did not end up with much of her husband’s estate because he did did not change his will when he married her.  Be sure you are more legally cautious than he was.

Then again, he married Anna Nicole Smith; how cautious was he expected to be?

Make sure YOU do better.  Get it all down in writing, and have a lawyer oversee it.  Make sure both you AND your spouse know exactly where your documents are, and what is in them.

“No surprises” is a good thing, when it comes to estate planning.

Marshall Loeb, of MarketWatch, has some excellent advice for same-sex couples concerning wills, estate planning, power of attorney, etc, and why good planning is even more important for same-sex couples than for straight spouses. Attorney Tanya Harvey, on Loeb’s website, says that:

“. . . estate planning is even more imperative for same-sex couples than for straight spouses because. . . gay couples don’t have the tax and inheritance advantages that marriage conveys, so these benefits have to be created through estate-planning documents.”

“Harvey, a Washington lawyer with the firm Bryan Cave, helps unmarried couples ensure that their partners and families will be provided for in the event of illness or death. When it comes to estate planning, Harvey recommends that gay families start by consulting a lawyer on three key issues:

1.  Power of attorney. Assigning your partner a power of attorney for health care is relatively simple, says Harvey, but it can save you major migraines in the long run. Most hospitals allow only family members related by blood or marriage to visit patients in critical care. If your companion has a power of attorney, it guarantees admittance. It also gives him or her a voice when decisions have to be made about your care.

2. The pros and cons of domestic partnership. Many couples living in states that recognize domestic partners are eager to sign up, but Harvey cautions her clients to consider the potential pitfalls. While domestic partnerships often convey a variety of inheritance, employment and tax benefits, they are difficult to dissolve in some states. Disentangling yourself from a domestic partnership is often as complicated and expensive as traditional divorce, says Harvey, so don’t treat it lightly.

3.  What happens to your legacy? It is essential that each partner has a valid, up-to-date, signed and witnessed will. If you die without a will providing for your same-sex mate, the state determines what will happen to your money and property. “Generally, the surviving partner gets nothing,” says Harvey. Consult a lawyer to draw up a will or a trust. Harvey highly recommends revocable trusts, because they offer privacy and are harder to challenge in court.

For further information on same-sex estate planning, visit Outestateplanning.com or Rainbowlaw.com.”

It is imperative that ALL couples get all of their documents in order, and that the surviving partner/spouse know where these documents are kept.  Thee surviving partner/spouse must have access to everything, right at his/her fingertips, for this will save a lot of headache and heartache and aggravation for all concerned.

If you have a child in the military, or if you have a parent in the military, it is essential that both of you have your affairs in order before you are sent overseas or even to a military base far from your home.

If you are overseas, and a family member should die, it will be much easier if all of your important papers were filed in the same place.  YouDeparted, for example.

By that same token, if you should die, it would be much easier for your parents to take care of your affairs if all of your important papers were filed in the same place.  YouDeparted, for example.

Heaven forbid that anything should happen to anyone, overseas or at home.  But isn’t it just logical, and considerate, for us all to put all of our essential paperwork in one place, to make things a little easier for our executor and survivors?  Trying to put someone’s financial details together from scratch is hard enough if we are right there.  Trying to do this if either party is far from home, especially in a foreign country, is almost unthinkable.

Try to think about it, however.  Don’t make things even harder on the people you love; store all of your important papers, passwords, policies, etc, right here on YouDeparted.

Your survivors will appreciate your thoughtfulness.  Plus, you’ll get your own way in the end.

When you are creating your estate plan, don’t forget Fido and Fluffy, and Mr. Ed.  You cared for them in life, and after your death they will still need care.  They meant a lot to you, so you want to be sure their new caretaker will do a good job.

That’s why you need to include your pets in your estate plan.

Include all the information the new caretaker will need: the name of their veterinarian, any medications the animals might be taking, personality quirks, fears, idiosyncracies, etc.  Your dogs and cats are only human, you know.

Make sure you are very specific about all of this information, and make sure you file it with all of your other important papers.

Might I suggest filing everything right here at YouDeparted?

Cremation is becoming a more popular “last rite” every day. Traditional burial is still what many people choose. If you are of a nontraditional bent, but are not convinced that cremation is what you want, there are other alternatives.

You could always be mummified.

Honestly, people are doing it! Look right HERE!

This could be you.

Okay, I’ll be serious now. Different people have different requests and plans for that inevitable finality. Whatever decisions you make, please make sure that you have put them all down in writing, and that these documents are filed in a safe, inviolable place.

I recommend right here at YouDeparted. Everything you will file here is safer than if it were in a safe in your home. Our encryption is complete and foolproof. Your will, your insurance records, your requests and bequests and a description of the outfit you’ll wear in your coffin (or urn, or mummy-casket) and any other order or requirement, etc, that you may have. . . everything you store with YouDeparted is safe. Absolutely, completely safe.

Do you really want your survivors to spend $25,000 on your casket? I’m serious; some caskets cost even more than that!

For that matter, do you want your family spending $10,000? $5,000? For a box that’s going to be buried six feet underground and, hopefully, never seen again? Ever?

Some people want a fancy casket. That’s why they exist. Other people would prefer that their money go for something that would be more useful to the living. That’s why there are also inexpensive caskets.

Some funeral homes will try to tell you that it’s illegal to use anything but an expensive casket sold by them, but that is absolutely untrue. Federal law allows the consumer to use any kind of casket he/she wishes. You can even make your own casket. The funeral home has no right to try to force you to purchase a casket from them, or to choose an expensive model over a more economical one. They’ll try, but don’t you let them talk you into anything you don’t really want.

Morticians will still try to persuade you to buy an expensive casket, but that’s because they make a great deal of their money from the casket companies. The markup on a casket is unbelievable; a sealing gasket that costs eight dollars will raise the price of a casket up to $800.00!

My point here is that you need to make your wishes known to your family before you die, so your hard-earned money is either spent on a casket fit for a king, or so that same hard-earned money is spent more wisely. After all, who’s going to care about a casket? Besides the funeral parlor people, that is. . . .

Whether you want to splurge to the very end, or send the grandchildren to college with that same money, you need to write your wishes down and put them somewhere safe, somewhere like YouDeparted, for example.

And then you need to make sure you’ve told somebody where all your ’stuff’ is being kept. When it comes right down to it, you don’t really want your loved ones to have to choose your casket, anyway. It’s traumatic! Why not do it yourself and take one more burden off your survivors’ shoulders?

It’s important to have all of your important information in one place, but don’t forget to update it regularly.

Outdated information is pretty much useless to your survivors.

When you change insurance agents, or get new passwords, or buy a new riding lawn mower, or do pretty much anything that someone you ‘leave behind’ will have to deal with, be sure you update these things here at YouDeparted.

If you are the only person in your household who knows how to “program” the furnace, leave directions.

If you switch insurance agencies, please be sure that someone knows.

If you wish to leave a personal message, to be given to your loved ones after your death, YouDeparted is the place for that, too.

Your survivors will appreciate having a list of your credit cards, too.

Stop and think for a moment: if you were one of the survivors, what sort of things would you need to know, in order to complete the wishes, requests, and business of the departed?

Wouldn’t it start with knowing what those wishes, requests, and business were? And WHERE to find them?

Right here. YouDeparted. Your loved ones will really appreciate your thoughtfulness.

Don’t think for a minute that your survivors are going to automatically know your wishes about organ donation! You might think that because you’ve got it checked on your driver’s license, or because you’re carrying a donor card in your wallet, that after your death someone, somewhere, will have a new and better life because of your kidney or retina or liver. Most of the time, the deceased’s wallet or purse isn’t opened and gone through until after death, and then it’s too late.

If you want to donate your organs after your death, you’ve got to tell someone BEFORE you die. How will your survivors know your wishes if you don’t tell them? After you TELL them, be sure you put it in writing; this is more insurance that your wishes will be considered. Hospitals are required to consult the next of kin before removing organs, and if your family knows you wanted to be a donor, it makes it easier for them to give their consent. Unfortunately, even if you’ve got it in writing, and your family knows your wishes, your survivors can override those wishes and refuse to allow the donation after your death. All the more reason to have an executor who will do your bidding even after you are dead!

A signed donor card or driver’s license provides proof to your family that you wanted to be a donor, but these alone are not legally binding. Even if you have signed a donor registry, that will not guarantee anything. A registry isn’t legally binding, either.

The best way to ensure that your wishes are carried out is to tell your family that you want to be a donor, to put it in writing, both in your will AND separately, and to appoint an executor who will carry out your wishes..

If you are fairly certain that your family will not allow the hospital to harvest your organs, you can assign durable power of attorney to someone who you know will abide by your wishes. A lawyer can help you prepare this document. Be sure it’s someone who will definitely abide by your decisions and your wishes, and be sure you put the documentation where this person can get it BEFORE you are dead.

I suggest that you file it all right here at YouDeparted.

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Have you given any thought to what you want to be wearing for everybody’s last sight of you? Most of the time, the deceased is all dressed up, you know.

The thing is, not everybody is best known for being all dressed up. I know I’m not.

If you have any strong ideas about what you’d like to be wearing for that last public appearance, make sure you make those preferences known to your family and to the funeral home. Otherwise, gentlemen, you’ll be wearing that three-piece suit you’ve always hated, and ladies, you’ll be wearing that hideous dress you wore to your niece’s wedding.

Most of the time, people are wearing a hospital gown when they get to the mortuary, so naturally the morticians call the family and request that something with a little more style and coverage be brought in. If there’s a little number you really want to wear for this occasion, be sure that your survivors know about it.

This request, and all your other requests, as well as all of your legalities and policies and passwords, etc, can be stored right here at YouDeparted.

That darn suit/dress was always too hot and itchy, and you never felt like YOU in it. If you’d rather be buried/cremated in your overalls or your bikini or your comfy ol’ jeans and that Pink Floyd t-shirt with the autographs on it, speak out and tell somebody.

And while you’re at it, make your requests known about your hair, your makeup, and those hideous clumps of flowers somebody always plops down right on top of the casket, too. And make sure somebody is standing there guarding against such things, too. If you don’t make your wishes known, you’ll be lying there in that suit you always hated, with a big pile of those creepy white lilies on your chest.

Tell somebody! And then make it official by putting your wishes in writing and storing them with us, right here at YouDeparted.